Do you have extra funds for diapers, clothing, among other things? If you do not, can you locate resources in your area or ask for help from relatives? You can save money on daycare If you stay home with your baby; however, it’s a catch-22 because usually, these days mothers need an income in addition to the father’s income.

Another factor to consider is whether the father will be present. If he reacts poorly to the news of the baby, will he act with the best interest of the child and provide both financial and emotional support for this child and for yourself? If he will step up and be a parent with you, then you definitely can choose to raise the child as a team. Some women even choose to be a single parent if they feel confident.

Sometimes, women do not see parenting their child as a feasible option at that stage of life. Some want to finish high school or college. If they are not financially stable and know the father will not contribute to a household income or commit to being a parent as well, then looking for a family who can provide for the child can be a wonderful option.

Adoption is different now; it isn’t a secretive, closed scenario of fear and negativity. Open adoption provides mothers a chance to place their baby with a family of their choosing. This family can provide stability for the child and arrangements can be made for phone calls, emails, and visits for the birth family and child. Some live near each other and can get together quite frequently; others live far apart. It depends on what you choose as an expectant mother.

This option is not easy for an expectant mother but often is the best for the child. You also would bring great joy to a family for placing a baby with them. It’s a beautiful outcome of an unplanned pregnancy.

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In 1957, a frightened 17-year-old who got pregnant after being beaten and raped by her boyfriend made an adoption plan. Eight months later, the baby was adopted by a factory worker and hairstylist outside of Pittsburgh, who later also adopted a nine-year-old from Italy. Twenty-eight years later, that same baby, Faith Daniels, joined CBS News as one of the youngest national news anchors in history. She told the Chicago Tribune that “I think adoption is the best thing that ever happened to me. A couple that is childless and that has worked very hard at having a child, then gone through the grueling process of adoption, then suddenly finds a baby or child on their doorstep, provides the most loving environment any child can enter. For them, it’s a miracle child that has come into their home. This is what they have prayed for; this is what they have cried for. It’s the end-all. I walked into a very loving environment where everything was put on hold when they had kids. Even though my mother worked, we came first. The family was blue-collar all the way. Mom worked; dad worked. They didn’t have a lot of money, just lots of love.”

In 1957, another Faith was born, this time to a 23-year-old woman who was not prepared to parent a child. Originally from Florida, the birth mother was residing temporarily in Mississippi, where a happy couple in their thirties were parenting two boys and had, just one week earlier,  reached out to a doctor friend to let them know they felt led to adopt a little girl. They asked him to contact them if they heard of a young woman looking to place a child. Forty years later, country music superstar Faith Hill reflected on the fated turn of events that led to her adoption. “I can’t imagine the choice to do that and how thankful I am that [the birth mother] was able to give me the opportunity that I had because I was placed into an incredible home that, I mean, basically is responsible for the way I am today and the backbone that I have in order to do this for a living…I actually had a pretty amazing childhood.”

These are just two of millions of stories of adoptions that were meant to be. Quotes such as “there are no unwanted children, just unfound families” may seem trite, but there are an estimated two million families waiting to adopt a child in the United States, which is thirty-six couples for every one child who is placed up for adoption. Women looking to place their children have an abundant choice of loving couples who are bursting with affection and resources to create beautiful childhoods and promising futures for them. It is often the families that have struggled to have a child that is the most appreciative when they do become parents, and they are ready to begin raising the next generation with astonishing amounts of love and care.

As you consider your options for the future, keep in mind the stories of incredible lives that would not have been possible without a birth mother’s selfless decision to make an adoption plan. Remember that most adoptions are open, and you will be able to witness your child’s progress and accomplishments in person if that is the type of adoption you choose. But most importantly, remember that your future, as well as your child’s, is an unwritten story, and adoption can fill its pages with rich and glorious triumphs.

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1. Your baby has a future.

You may think your life is over, but the fact is, your baby’s life is just beginning. An unborn baby has brain waves at 7 weeks, a heartbeat at 7 weeks, and can feel pain at 20 weeks. Your baby is beginning to recognize your voice. If you have an abortion, all that will end. That life will be over. Maybe there is another family out there that would be overjoyed to adopt your baby. That baby may grow up to become president or develop the cure for cancer. Rest assured, you may have made a mistake, but your baby is not a mistake.  Your child has a purpose and a future.

2. You still have a future

Believe it or not, you still have a future. Even with a young one in tow. You can still finish school, you can still get a job, and you can still date with a child. You can still start your own business and still follow your dreams. Some of your plans may have to be delayed and pushed further down the road. But delay is not a bad thing. You still have a future.

3. Surround yourself with good, positive people

If you don’t know what to do and need some advice you need to know who to trust. Is your family supportive? Is the father’s’ family supportive? Seek their advice and support if it’s in your baby’s best interest. If not, seek out the faith community or the community at large for help. There are lots of people that will help you raise your baby. You don’t have to raise your child alone.

Your baby is a blessing in disguise. They will bless you and the people around you. Don’t let a temporary situation turn into a permanent mistake. Consider adoption. Consider raising your child with help. Your life is just beginning. And so is theirs.

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• Over three million women in the U.S. each year experience an unplanned pregnancy.
• About 90 percent of sexually active women use some form of contraception. The 10 percent of women who do not use contraception account for approximately half of unplanned pregnancies.
• Of the 50 percent of unplanned pregnancies in the US, 43 percent of those women will choose to terminate the pregnancy.
• Births resulting from unintended pregnancies are associated with adverse health outcomes for both the mother and child. These issues include delayed prenatal care or a lack of prenatal care entirely, premature birth, and negative physical and mental health effects for children.
• Rates of unintended pregnancy are generally highest in the south and southwest.
• Women without a high school degree have the highest unintended pregnancy rate among all educational levels.
• Women aged 15 to 19 have the highest unintended pregnancy rate of any age-group
• Approximately 20,000 children are voluntarily placed for adoption each year. However, it is estimated that at least 1 million families are actively waiting for an adoption placement.

Are you facing an unplanned pregnancy? Though these statistics may be alarming, know that you have the power to make the decision that is best for you and your child. Know that you have options and that, regardless of what your family or friends may be saying, that you should choose the option that is right for you, and that gives you and your child the best possible chance at leading a healthy, fulfilling life. Adoption is an option! For more information on adoption, visit adoption.com.

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Physical

The first thing that comes to mind when addressing your physical health in an unwanted pregnancy is, of course, to be active in taking care of the baby. The pregnancy may come as a shock, and you may not have even yet made a decision, but early prenatal care will matter, no matter the decision for both you and your baby. See a doctor as soon as you can and make sure you are following all the rules of pregnancy (no smoking, no drinking, eat healthy etc). If you are able to exercise, continue to do so. Also, take the time to rest. The stress of an unwanted pregnancy can be incredibly taxing on your body.

Emotional/Mental

On the note of physical rest, it will be incredibly important for your emotional health to rest, make sure you are getting enough sleep. On top of pregnancy hormones, the toll of a decision in an unwanted pregnancy can weigh you down heavily. Taking care of yourself physically will also benefit your mental health. Try to confide in family or friends you trust to work through your emotions. If you feel the need to speak to someone professionally, please seek help with no shame. Everyone needs emotional support from time to time, no matter the circumstance.

Spiritual

Even if you are not religious, pregnancy can make you develop many spiritual questions. You are now thinking not only of yourself and your own well-being, but also of your child. You will have a lot of internal dialogues about what decision you will make and what the future will hold for you and your child. Spirituality is less about religion and more about a reflection of the greater good. It is important to allow this internal dialogue and think through the decisions you are about to make. It may seem easier to give in to the fear of the situation and try to ignore the matters at hand. It will take a lot of soul searching to make a decision about your pregnancy and to continue throughout whatever journey you choose.

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Your friend is coming to you because they trust you. You don’t want to break that trust by pushing your thoughts and opinions on to the friend in need. Wait for them to ask for your advice.  

When I was in my 20’s I was faced with an unplanned pregnancy and placed my child for adoption because for my circumstances, it was best for the baby. Fast forward 20 some years, and someone very close to me found out she was pregnant. She wasn’t married yet but was dating an incredible guy who was there to support her. The issue she faced was how to tell her parents. Like me, she grew up in a very Christian home and wasn’t sure how her parents were going to react. She just needed someone to listen that had been through the same thing.  

I didn’t tell her what she had to do. I didn’t tell her that the way I did things was the right way to do it. All I wanted, as any friend should, was what was right for her and her circumstances. I wanted her to be happy, healthy, and feel like she could come to me for anything. I wanted her to feel how much I love her and how much I didn’t judge her.  

Now, she is just that! Happy, healthy, loved very much and the proud mom to two adorable little boys.  

As I said before, I placed my child for adoption. No baby shower for me. What I did get, thanks to my friends and family, was a “Blessings Shower.”  

Instead of baby gear for gifts, they all gave me gifts of things I would need in the hospital when I gave birth. Things like a bathrobe, notebook, crossword puzzles, etc.  

To see how much my friends cared was amazing. Little acts of kindness, no judgment, a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, and their unwavering friendship.  Those are the only things I needed.

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