Do you have extra funds for diapers, clothing, among other things? If you do not, can you locate resources in your area or ask for help from relatives? You can save money on daycare If you stay home with your baby; however, it’s a catch-22 because usually, these days mothers need an income in addition to the father’s income.

Another factor to consider is whether the father will be present. If he reacts poorly to the news of the baby, will he act with the best interest of the child and provide both financial and emotional support for this child and for yourself? If he will step up and be a parent with you, then you definitely can choose to raise the child as a team. Some women even choose to be a single parent if they feel confident.

Sometimes, women do not see parenting their child as a feasible option at that stage of life. Some want to finish high school or college. If they are not financially stable and know the father will not contribute to a household income or commit to being a parent as well, then looking for a family who can provide for the child can be a wonderful option.

Adoption is different now; it isn’t a secretive, closed scenario of fear and negativity. Open adoption provides mothers a chance to place their baby with a family of their choosing. This family can provide stability for the child and arrangements can be made for phone calls, emails, and visits for the birth family and child. Some live near each other and can get together quite frequently; others live far apart. It depends on what you choose as an expectant mother.

This option is not easy for an expectant mother but often is the best for the child. You also would bring great joy to a family for placing a baby with them. It’s a beautiful outcome of an unplanned pregnancy.

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1. Family Support

Telling your family about your unwanted pregnancy may seem like the worst plan in the world when you first learn you are pregnant. However, unless your safety and general well being are at stake, the grief you may receive may be worth the support you will find. It doesn’t mean your family has to support the action of you being pregnant; however, many are often amazed at the love and support they receive from their family once the shock subsides. It is better to share earlier the news about your pregnancy since you will need the support. Telling early to your family is also better than them finding of it by accident.  

2. Pregnancy Center

Many towns are fortunate enough to have pregnancy centers available that aid you in the event of an unwanted or crisis pregnancy. Not only can these centers often provide proof of pregnancy, but they will also have information on who you might contact for prenatal care and financial assistance if needed. If you so choose, they can also often connect you with resources about adoption. Once your child is born, they are often able to help with anything your child might need, from formula to clothing. A quick internet search should turn up anything available in your specific area.

3. Exploring Options

When coping with an unwanted pregnancy, one way to lessen your stress is to come up with a plan. While nine months may seem like a long time, it is important to begin exploring your options early. It does not mean you have to make any rushed decisions, but it will be helpful to know what you can do if you choose to parent or place for adoption. If adoption is an option you are considering, you can view information here on where to start and how to approach your decision. If you are wondering about being ready to parent, then balance the support of your family as well as the needs of your child. You may find that while it may be hard, parenting might be a real choice and one you want in this case. Whatever you decide, by exploring early your options will help you begin the coping process and help your health overall.

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1. I Need Your Respect

So many people in society treat unplanned pregnancy with disdain. A teen mother is considered irresponsible, inadequate, and unfortunate. If you talk to me as though I have the dignity to make good decisions, is like coming up for air in an ocean of insecurity. Let me know you trust me enough to decide what is best for my future, as well as my child’s. I am making sacrifices and tough decisions at a young age, and that makes me more grown-up than many of my peers.

2. I Need Your Unconditional Love

I feel lonely, ashamed, and guilty enough as it is. Blaming or becoming angry will only plunge me deeper into an ocean of isolation. Affirming my unique gifts and capabilities will remind me that I can have a wonderful life, even with an unexpected outcome. Reminding me of the resources, paths, and possibilities available will help me move forward with strength and resolve. It is a life-changing experience that can make me more courageous and compassionate.

3. I Need You to Trust Me

Remembering doctor’s appointments, vitamins, or counseling sessions are now my responsibility, and good practice as I become an adult with employment, relationships, and other obligations in the future. Trying to hold my hand and treat me as though I am immature will only make me feel helpless. Affirm my self-respect by allowing me to schedule my own life.

4. I Need You to Know That I Will Need Others

You may be some of the best people in the world, but you are still my parents, and I am still a young woman with an unwanted pregnancy. Resources such as a support group, counselor, close friends, books, and podcasts will be invaluable to help me keep my situation in perspective and growing personally through it. Speaking to others who have been in the same boat and have thrived through life, will give me peace and hope that I cannot get from you. There is always good lessons in every circumstance, and I do not want to waste my learning by missing valuable lessons or the people I can help.

5. My Life Is Not Over

I can still take classes, chase my dreams, become a leader, and carve out a unique path in the world. With hard work and planning, my pregnancy can become a chapter in my life that I look back on with forgiveness and appreciation. I am still the same girl you raised, and I am still capable of a life of love, fulfillment, and joy.

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• Over three million women in the U.S. each year experience an unplanned pregnancy.
• About 90 percent of sexually active women use some form of contraception. The 10 percent of women who do not use contraception account for approximately half of unplanned pregnancies.
• Of the 50 percent of unplanned pregnancies in the US, 43 percent of those women will choose to terminate the pregnancy.
• Births resulting from unintended pregnancies are associated with adverse health outcomes for both the mother and child. These issues include delayed prenatal care or a lack of prenatal care entirely, premature birth, and negative physical and mental health effects for children.
• Rates of unintended pregnancy are generally highest in the south and southwest.
• Women without a high school degree have the highest unintended pregnancy rate among all educational levels.
• Women aged 15 to 19 have the highest unintended pregnancy rate of any age-group
• Approximately 20,000 children are voluntarily placed for adoption each year. However, it is estimated that at least 1 million families are actively waiting for an adoption placement.

Are you facing an unplanned pregnancy? Though these statistics may be alarming, know that you have the power to make the decision that is best for you and your child. Know that you have options and that, regardless of what your family or friends may be saying, that you should choose the option that is right for you, and that gives you and your child the best possible chance at leading a healthy, fulfilling life. Adoption is an option! For more information on adoption, visit adoption.com.

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One option is terminating the pregnancy. Laws vary from state to state in terms of how and when you can choose to terminate a pregnancy. Health care providers, your physician, or a community health clinic for women can discuss termination with you and let you know what that option is like in terms of cost, recovery time, and where you will need to go to have the procedure performed.

The second option is parenting this child. If you are considering parenting, you have a number of things you should think about before deciding to do so. Do you have the financial means to provide this child with their basic needs? If you do not, what programs exist in your community that can help you with those needs? What type of emotional, physical, and financial support will you receive from this child’s father? Is he someone you want to involve in this child’s life? How will you be able to manage school or work while pregnant, and what are your maternity leave options? When you return to work or school after having the child, who will care for the child? What childcare options are available in your community? Are any of them an option you can afford? Above all, do you feel mentally and emotionally ready to become a parent? If you are already a parent, is there room in your life and budget for another child?

The third option which is not discussed as frequently is placing your child for adoption. Adoption is very different these days and many of the things you think you might know regarding adoption are either no longer true, or myths. If you place your child for adoption, the vast majority of adoptions these days are open. This means you will be able to select who the parents of your child will be, maintain communication with them, and ultimately still have a relationship with your child even if you are not parenting them. Adoptive parents undergo a rigorous home study and background check that ensures that they are fit to be parents, so you know that your child will be in an environment that is safe, nurturing and that is economically stable. In working with an adoption placement agency, you can specify the type of parents you would like your child to have. Is it important to you that they are raised in a specific religious faith? That they are in a two-parent household? That they receive a college education? Even things such as the family’s hobbies, traditions, personalities, and interests are things you can have input on in choosing the family that would parent your child.

Whatever you choose, make sure it is the right decision for you. Try to ignore the advice of your loved ones, even if they mean well, and think about what would be the best decision, both short and long term, for you and this child. Talk to someone you trust or contact an expert if you have questions. Your physician, pastor, or an adoption agency’s social worker can help answer any questions you might have, but ultimately understand that it is your decision to make, and trust that you have the ability to make the right choice so long as you know all your options and consider them carefully.

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• Pregnancy Resource Centers

A Pregnancy Resource Center, also known as a Crisis Pregnancy Center, focuses on the pregnant woman as well as their unborn child. Some of their services may include free pregnancy tests, parenting classes, prenatal development classes, counseling, life coaching, and free supplies such as diapers, baby wipes, etc. These centers give you full information on what to expect in labor and delivery and beyond. These centers respect you as a person and will be there for you regardless of what you decide to do. They may even provide post-abortion counseling if needed. Some centers have programs for dads as well. These centers perform these services free of charge. Click the link below for more information:

http://www.pregnancyresource.org/

• Adoption Resources

Adoption is a beautiful option if a woman does not choose to parent the baby. It is beautiful because it provides three solutions.

First, it solves the problem for the pregnant woman who does not want to or cannot raise the child she is pregnant with. Adoption provides another loving family who will love and raise him or her. Adoption agencies can assist a pregnant woman in creating a “life plan” for their child which may include choosing that family and staying involved in that child’s life.  

Adoption also helps is the adoptive family who may be experiencing the pain of infertility. They may be waiting for someone just like you to come along who wants to place their child in their home. You may be the answer to their hopes and dreams!

Finally, adoption helps the child. Adoption grants a child a life in a family that promises not only to love them but to care for and to protect him or her. Whatever the circumstances, remember this: your pregnancy may be unwanted, but your child is not. 

• The Faith Community

No one likes to be judged, especially when facing a crisis pregnancy. The reason why most women probably avoid the faith community is for fear of being judged. However, in the faith community, a pregnant woman can also find the hope and the help that she needs. In many places, a pregnant woman does not need to be a part of that faith in order to receive help. If you decide to keep your baby, the faith community can provide counseling, prayer, support, babysitting for free and with no obligation. Reach out to friends and family that are already connected to the faith community and get recommendations. Reach out to churches that have strong children’s, young moms, or orphan ministries. You may find the help you need.

Being alone and pregnant when you don’t want to be can be depressing. But don’t lose hope.  Think outside of the box. There is a myriad of choices. Choose one that is right for you and your baby.

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Your friend is coming to you because they trust you. You don’t want to break that trust by pushing your thoughts and opinions on to the friend in need. Wait for them to ask for your advice.  

When I was in my 20’s I was faced with an unplanned pregnancy and placed my child for adoption because for my circumstances, it was best for the baby. Fast forward 20 some years, and someone very close to me found out she was pregnant. She wasn’t married yet but was dating an incredible guy who was there to support her. The issue she faced was how to tell her parents. Like me, she grew up in a very Christian home and wasn’t sure how her parents were going to react. She just needed someone to listen that had been through the same thing.  

I didn’t tell her what she had to do. I didn’t tell her that the way I did things was the right way to do it. All I wanted, as any friend should, was what was right for her and her circumstances. I wanted her to be happy, healthy, and feel like she could come to me for anything. I wanted her to feel how much I love her and how much I didn’t judge her.  

Now, she is just that! Happy, healthy, loved very much and the proud mom to two adorable little boys.  

As I said before, I placed my child for adoption. No baby shower for me. What I did get, thanks to my friends and family, was a “Blessings Shower.”  

Instead of baby gear for gifts, they all gave me gifts of things I would need in the hospital when I gave birth. Things like a bathrobe, notebook, crossword puzzles, etc.  

To see how much my friends cared was amazing. Little acts of kindness, no judgment, a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, and their unwavering friendship.  Those are the only things I needed.

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